All I can say it hurts. My heart is broken, opening up wounds that I thought were healed. I was wrong. The wound still bleeds; I have just programmed myself to apply band-aids of grief whenever the scab breaks open.
The path to trust can be an arduous journey in itself. But add love to it, and the journey takes you to darker territories of your own fears and humiliations. The demons of low self esteem, ghosts of past betrayals, and the echoes and images of past rejections jump out at you like ghosts in a haunted house.
The path to trust can be a healing of these haunts, these nightmares of life that can isolate one emotionally. Trust with love is difficult when brought together. Because the intensity of these emotions are so strong, love and trust can be a healing to a troubled soul. But when trust and love are broken together, the wounded heart can alter your life and mindset. The question is, do I let the betrayal and humiliation alter my life to allow the demons of distrust and betrayal back in, or do I put up the mighty fight to keep them out and live my life in peace?
Recently I have taken on a quest to deepen my faith and spirituality. My journey has led me to meet and release the demons that have plagued my life. This is not a journey for the faint of heart, or for those who do not want to face the enemy of their own self. I am physically and emotionally exhausted after these meditations. But it is also a cleansing of the soul that I call release and relief.
Humiliation has been a journey in itself in this quest of faith. Much of the humiliation in my life has been centered on betrayal and rejection. My faith quest has stripped away many layers of these haunting humiliations, bringing a peace to my soul. A peace that I thought had exorcised those hauntings of past humiliations and betrayals.
But I was wrong. My quest was not over in meeting other demons of betrayal, humiliation and rejection. My faith journey took me to my weakest center in love and trust, my heart. I had to face it again, and worse, in a loved one. I knew it was part of my quest, a true test of faith in continuing the faith journey to the depths of my soul. Anger, humiliation, disrespect, rejection, helplessness, you name it, I felt it when the betrayal happened. Do I take revenge, cry for hours, beat myself up as a no good, and take back the healings that have occurred in other areas of my soul?
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. But, to allow the healing to continue, I must detach from it. This is my experience, not the loved one’s. I am exhausted and tired from this recurring betrayal of trust and rejection, but it no longer deserves the energy it takes to deal with it. Now it is the loved one’s experience, for this time, it has taken on a different form. A true reality of how deep these recurring actions have affected me. It is now up to the loved one whether to take the quest within to the demons and hauntings of this person’s life.
Love surrounds my hurt for the loved one is a very generous and good person. We all have flaws; we are not perfect in our humanness. It when our humanness becomes dominate in our lives that the flaws hurt others. And this is not the loved one’s true nature; it is truly one of service to others.
However, the human flaw was never seen as a problem to this person,just me. Maybe because the screaming and crying I used to do when the human flaw occurred was deafening enough to turn this person off. No wonder my wailings had no affect.
However my anger at the humiliation and betrayal also unlocked other demons of these past feelings and emotions along with others. The loved one got hit broadside for the sins of many!!! I felt entitled to punish this person’s actions along with the actions of others.
I have been on a healing journey that has been brutal at times. But as I release the pain of the past, the relief is a true breath of life in the Spirit. I was warned that many of the past hauntings of humiliation and other demons would come back at times. But I would be prepared, or have the tools, to face them down, learn from them and move on. I have done that on the easier ones, and on the tough ones I am gaining courage to see the lesson, face it down, bless it and move on.
I always thought my biggest challenge in this faith journey was my health. I should of known better. Except I knew deep down, that trust and love would be tested with the loved one. Small moments of testing were difficult, but I realized taking my energy back instead of hammering on the loved one felt better. But a big test should not have surprised me in my faith journey. As much as the loved one has been a soulmate, over the years I have lost respect and trust for someone I once adored. I want that back, but the loved one has to take his own journey within to either face his demons or fight them. It is the loved one’s choice not mine.
It hurts. But strangely enough, I am moving on. Faith has shown me the lesson to be learned, and I am grateful for that lesson. Forgiveness from humiliation and betrayal is hard. There are people and events in my past that I have forgiven, and in my heart and soul I know this to be true. But this one is tough. I have to see this person on a daily basis, a constant reminder of what happened.
How will this play out? I am not sure. Sometimes life deals us a hand that is telling us to move 0n in another direction. Sometimes it is to improve and find more meaning in what is. All I know is despite the hurt, there is a peace in my soul. A true test of love and trust is coming up in a few weeks. I won’t dwell on it, for some reason it is not important. That is the future, what happened is past, and I most focus on now, this moment, for this is the gift of the present.
I have a beloved Uncle dying at anytime, an illness that is unpredictable, a business to run and a life to lead. But despite all this and more, my faith journey continues. Oddly, I have a joy, love and peace deep in my soul. The images and feelings of the hurt are there, but they are not dominating me. Spirits comforting presence is.
I love the loved one; I am here if needed, even as I work through the journey of my pain. Maybe it will bring us together, walking hand in hand to heal together. This may sound sappy, it may sound foolish. But anger and revenge is toxic and does not promote healing of wounded souls.
I chose the journey of healing the pain, to learn from it, to be stronger from it. I want to hold and love adoringly again this loved one, with arms wide open to receive my soulmate back. Until then, I continue on my faith journey.
I’ve recently started a blog, the information you provide on this site has helped me tremendously. Thank you for all of your time & work.
Comfortably, the article is in reality the greatest on this worthw hile theme. I agree with your conclusions and will thirstily look forward to your forthcoming updates. Just saying thanks will not just be sufficient, for the fantastic lucidity in your documentation. I will immediately grab your rss feed to stay abreast of any updates. De lightful work and a lot of success in your business enterprize!
Thank you, this has been a difficult journey over the years, but, there is so much more to life then this. The good news is that my Loved One has for the first time really seen how this betrayal has damaged me and our relationship. Have I moved on from it, yes and no. But I will not allow it to take my energy, identity or life from me. It has lessened my respect for this person, but it has also shown me I am becoming enough of my own person to not tolerate it again. I realized the incident revealed to me that I am finding out WHO I AM and that this person is no longer having negative influence on me. AND any future betrayals will no longer be tolerated. It is his experience not mine and I will not be dragged into it. I will help this person in any way as long as I am not lessened as an individual in the process. As women, we have to become WHO I AM and believe in it strongly and soulfully. It is the WHAT I AM instead of WHO that lessens our inner strength with fear of retribution that keeps us from speaking up for ourselves. It is time for our voices to be heard, whether in home, work anywhere without fear withing ourselves of retribution. Whew, you got me started! I like that! thank you!
Buy:Maxaman.Cialis Soft Tabs.Cialis Super Active+.Levitra.Viagra Professional.Viagra Soft Tabs.Soma.Propecia.Viagra Super Force.Viagra.Cialis Professional.Tramadol.Cialis.VPXL.Super Active ED Pack.Viagra Super Active+.Zithromax….
Buy:Synthroid.100% Pure Okinawan Coral Calcium.Accutane.Zyban.Arimidex.Mega Hoodia.Prednisolone.Zovirax.Lumigan.Petcam (Metacam) Oral Suspension.Actos.Prevacid.Valtrex.Retin-A.Human Growth Hormone.Nexium….
Well writed, thanks for this post!
Thank you! It hurts to get your heart broken, but worse if you cannot move on from it. Expressing the hurt, letting it go and not giving it permission to hold you back anymore is hard, but becomes a valuable lesson to learn so much from. It is when you can remember the hurt and it does not sting is one step to letting go.
Thank you for taking time to comment!
Title…
Nice Post mate…
I appreciate your kind words. Thank you!
His “affair”is a pain in your heart foreverAffair eventsAlthough the pieces of your heart,Although you love him, he does not value you,Although you pay so much, but did not return,
Definitely, what a fantastic website and revealing posts, I will bookmark your website.Have an awsome day!
Wow thank you for making my day! Thank you so much!
Heartache is difficult to recover from, but there comes a time to move forward and I have. Thank you so much!
Hey Admin! I was reading your post and it really looks like that your post isn’t optimized well to gain search engine traffic and rankings. Actually I am an SEO Consultant, advicing people about how to get more traffic. I’d suggest you to check out this awesome WordPress Plugin here – http://bit.ly/jSQTuX called SEOPressor, really thankful to Daniel for this. I use it on all my and my client’s websites. This is going to help you a lot. BTW, I am in no way affiliated to this guy, its just an advice. Your wish, take it or drop it.
I am really enjoying the theme/design of your weblog. Do you ever run into any internet browser compatibility issues? A few of my blog audience have complained about my site not operating correctly in Explorer but looks great in Opera. Do you have any solutions to help fix this issue?
Both re these are beautiful! Bold push amid the bubbly orderly. Bold forward! Love number one. And capital punishment detached carriage askew. Equally adventitious discrimination. And negative alike lovingly evenly repainting deviser closeness in any case her disagreeable discharged wrong! Good effect a sale. ~ karen
Wow! This can be one particular of the most helpful blogs We’ve ever arrive across on this subject. Basically Magnificent. I’m also a specialist in this topic so I can understand your effort.
I love the name of your email address, schoolsucks.com! Unfortunately, many of us are specialists in broken hearts. I am happy to say that the one who broke mine, we have moved on in a very loving relationship. However, the secret is that that helped me move on was that eventhough the memory of it can come back, I refuse to allow myself to give it any energy to bring it back to hurt again. We can’t keep living in the past, it will keep us from moving forward in life. You may like to read my blog Womenssoulcare.com and check out my Facebook/Women’s Soul Care. It is dedicated to helping men and women move forward after being wounded in life. Let me know how you like it.
Thank you for reading my blog and taking time to write back. I will keep you in my heart and prayers as I write more. Bless you!
Thank you Karen! Women share so much when our hearts are unfairly broken! You may want to check out my new blog and Facebook page. http://www.womenssoulcare.com and Facebook/Women’s Soul Care. Let me know your thoughts!
To be honest with you I don’t know unless someone mentions it. Thank you for your kind comments! I appreciate the beauty and spirituality of nature. I am so happy you like it!
Thank you!! I will check into this!